Coaching by Chandi | Addiction Recovery, Trauma, Life

Nice To Meet You

My name is Chandi (shawn-dee)

As a Certified Professional Coach through the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater and a background in Behavioral Science through the University of Phoenix, I'm genuinely excited to be part of your journey! I am eager to help you build the courage to take that leap you've been hesitating on and to guide you toward transforming your life into the vision you've held for yourself.

So, are you ready to take that first step?

WORK WITH ME

We ALL have a STORY, here's mine

From a young age, I've been deeply curious about people's emotional and physical well-being. This interest grew as a way to navigate and survive a challenging upbringing. This led me to study Behavioral Science, and for nearly five years, work closely with children and young adults, aged 4 to 19, grappling with behavioral and emotional challenges. Through their journeys, I learned profound lessons in compassion, empathy, and resilience.

Having endured the loss of my brother and father, and growing up in a toxic environment, I know firsthand the challenges of overcoming hardship. The greatest lesson I’ve learned? Having a purpose helps you keep going, no matter how tough things get.

Today, I apply these insights boldly—transitioning careers, launching ventures, balancing parenthood with health and fitness, and on my own path toward healing. I've discovered that with passion and perseverance, anything is achievable.

Continuing to evolve, I remain dedicated to personal growth—a lifelong learner immersed in books, writing, and nature for clarity and inspiration. Apart from spending time with my family, I enjoy gardening, cooking, and taking kayaks out on one of the many lakes in Lake Country.

If you're curious about my approach to life's balancing act and maintaining zest, I'm eager to share insights. Let's embark on this journey together and unlock your limitless potential!

I’ve seen this a lot, not just in my own family but with myself as well…

That change can never begin to take place until we accept the current realities of ourself.

Anyone can say, “I have flaws”

But it takes an individual that desires change so much that they turn the “I have flaws” into statements of personal accountability.

Which looks like this 👇🏽

❤️‍🩹 “I have a hard time with being wrong”
❤️‍🩹 “I have a tendency to shift blame on others”
❤️‍🩹 “I have a hard time accepting someone else’s perspective of me”
❤️‍🩹 “I have a hard time with conflict, so I shut down”
❤️‍🩹 “I struggle with honesty and integrity”

It’s a must.

And at first, it can be hard.

It’s a feeling no one wants to sit with.

We tend to shy away from the belief that we play a role in our current suffering.

I get it.

But believe me when I say that you will remain stuck in your growth + healing journey if you do not start taking accountability.

Life is going to continue moving forward whether we are on board or not.

So instead of spending countless years pivoting to the right or the left wondering, “why haven’t I made any personal progress?”

Start moving forward by coming to terms of who you currently are and where you are currently at.

It doesn’t mean you will be stuck there forever, it simply means we can start moving toward a better life ✨

And if part of you feels hesitant or the thought of “they should apologize, I wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t because of xyz”..

Then comment “HEALING” or DM me to receive immediate guidance in your own journey 🫶🏽🌱

#trauma #psychology #generationaltrauma #breakthecycle #coaching #selfregulation #growth #healing #innerchildhealing #awareness #selfdevelopment #selfawareness #holistichealth #life #advice

To the person that has the privilege of watching someone heal from their trauma, here’s my message to you…

At one point in time, they were just a child.

They were denied the ability to play, be reckless, be adventurous, be curious, be free.

They were denied true love and connection from their parents/guardians.

While the other kids experienced laughter and joy, they experienced fear, discomfort, confusion, frustration.

They couldn’t simply be.

The chaos, the abuse…they absorbed it all.

What kind of adult do you think that upbringing will produce?

And yet, despite it your…

❤️‍🩹loved one
❤️‍🩹friend
❤️‍🩹colleague

etc.,

is choosing peace.

They are deciding what happens next.

So, by all means, give them grace and give them patience.

They will get there.

🫶🏽

#trauma #toxic #generationaltrauma #healing #innerchildhealing #love #toxichome #childhood #upbringing #life #advice #breakthecycle

This is something we find ourselves saying repeatedly…

It is a brief interaction with someone that is inauthentic.

It gets the job done.

It allows the conversation to remain at surface level so we can move on with the other stuff.

It’s very appropriate to respond this way to someone we intend to only have a brief interaction with, like the barista at the coffee shop.

On the other hand, if this is our go-to response to people we claim to have a “closeness” with, then we need to ask ourself…

“Why am I afraid of getting deep with someone?”

Whether you came from a traumatic upbringing or not, society has played a large role in discounting our feelings.

So I understand why some people say, “well I don’t want to bring everyone’s day down”

I get it.

But think for a moment.

Is YOUR peace not worth more than theirs?

And if you pursued inner peace, what would happen?

❤️‍🩹

✨If you are looking for guidance on how to freely express your emotions without shame, then DM me 💬

#trauma #psychology #lifecoach #advice #life #communication #traumacoach #healing #innerchildhealing #selfawareness #self #feelings #mindset #growth

Healing from generational trauma is a complex feeling…

Because one minute you are in the “I feel good” phase and the next you’re like, “when is this going to end?”

The harsh reality?

There’s no definitive moment in time that you can plan for where you will be “healed”

Simply put, you have to keep putting in the work and eventually you’ll get to a point where you can say to yourself..

“Remember when I use to be so reactive to xyz?”

“Remember when I couldn’t even stand to have this conversation because I would get so bothered?”

“Remember when I use to feel so low about myself?”

It’s a rollercoaster of a journey, but it’s necessary.

Life is simply too short for you not to experience the world as your true self ❤️‍🩹

If you’re unsure how to begin, comment HEALING and I will guide you🌱✨

#life #healing #advice #trauma #generationaltrauma #innerchildhealing #toxic #healingjourney #holistichealth #growth #traumacoach #lifecoach #recoverycoach #grief #loss

❗Have you ever felt this way before?

I know I have.

And you want to know something?

You're not alone in feeling that way, in fact, it is incredibly common.

There are many reasons why someone may feel this way, but one particular reason I found to resonate more so than the others is this...

You feel lost because you are trying to live up to the expectations others have placed on you.

You've been told that you have to do xyz if you want to "be somebody".

That works for some people and they have children of their own and they instruct them the same way, because it worked for them, and the cycle continues.

But it doesn't work for you.

And your feeling lost is your body's way of saying "Hey, we don't really like this. Let's do something different please!"

Take a moment and thank your body for working as it should.

Now, grab a pen and paper. Sit in a quiet place.

And at the top of the page write...

"What do I want out of my life?"

Think. Write.

Underneath that, write 5 things you need to do to start the process.

If the input of friends/family goes against what you have written, then kindly ignore it and keep moving forward.

You'd be surprised at how those we believe care the most about us, can actually be our greatest hindrance.

A gentle reminder, that others pulling you down means that you are already above them.

If you're ready to break the cycle and work towards a better life, then comment HEALING 🌱

#trauma #advice #therapy #psychology #selfdevelopment #goals #mindset #life #health #growth #awareness

If you would have asked me a few years ago, could I ever imagine being where I am today?

I would’ve said no.

I didn’t think I would have an amazing husband that supports me and has the utmost amount of patience or a beautiful little girl with a wonderful soul 🥲

I had a troubling upbringing.

And my past tainted any positive outlook I ever had.

I didn’t believe I deserved good things happening to me, because history convinced me that it doesn’t.

End of story…right?

Wrong🙅🏽‍♀️

My burning desire to break my trauma cycle and pursue peace brought me to these moments with the most wonderful people.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a walking sack of flaws and have plenty of fine-tuning to do.

But I’m happy that my healing journey has helped me to see what I should be grateful for🙏🏽

You deserve to feel this way too!

If you’re ready to break your trauma cycle, then comment HEALING 🌱

#trauma #life #advice #psychology #therapy #holistichealth #love #psychology #traumacoach #lifecoach #traumarecovery #selfawareness #growth #parenting #marriage

Our session started off in a typical manner…

“What’s our goal for today?” she asked.

I told her I wasn’t sure and maybe she could help guide todays conversation.

She began to list a few things, one of which she quickly rattled…”we could also talk about your PTSD”.

If I am being honest, my thoughts were in another place as she began to go through the list so I didn’t hear it at first.

But as I rattled off what I felt we should discuss I heard myself say…

“Wait, back up…my PTSD?”

She responds, “yes”

In a light-hearted manner I respond, “it’s not like I went off to war”

She smiled, laughed and said “well not entirely, but inside you are”

She continued, “…when you a triggered, your body responds to it with an increased heart rate, sweating, anxiousness, or anger, frustration, annoyance etc. It’s stressed by the trigger. Your body doesn’t feel safe”

I looked at her, teary eyed.

“It looks different for everyone of course, but a lot of what you have described is in fact PTSD”

Of course I know what PTSD is but for some reason I didn’t associate my childhood trauma with it. I reserved that for what I believed to be more “serious” events.

“Can I get rid of it?” I asked, my voice breaking.

“You can, we just need to overcome the trigger. As long as certain things remain a trigger - your PTSD stays. Can you think of a time you use to be really bothered or triggered by something from your trauma and now it no longer is?”

I recalled a particular moment and we celebrated the progress.

I sat back, looked down and took a deep breath.

“I know what we should talk about now.”

She nodded, “okay, good..let’s talk”

🫶🏽

There’s the saying “iron sharpens iron” and I believe that in order for me to be the best advocate and source of help for others, then I HAVE to be putting in the work myself.

I will forever be on this journey and I’m pretty okay with that 😉💛

If you’re ready to break your trauma cycle and to learn how you can have a full and purposeful life, then comment HEALING 🌱

#trauma #life #therapy #advice #healing #health #psychology #traumacoach #recovery #holisticwellness #holistichealing #wellness #selfdevelopment

😔 It’s true, that toxic parents would rather their child walk out of their life completely than to admit fault…

Why?

We’ve conditioned ourselves to believe that toxicity can be chalked up to narcissism, when in fact only .5-5% of the population may have true narcissism.

Your toxic parents are not apologizing because they are a narcissist (though I don’t deny their behaviors mimic one)

The reason they are not apologizing is because your relationship, to them, has always been a battle of morality and social hierarchy.

💔To them, you are the employee and they are the supervisor

💔To them, you are the servant and they are the home owner.

💔To them, they are the adult and you will forever be the child.

💔And to them…the child, the employee, the servant can never correct the superior one as they can do no wrong.

Which is why they hijack your emotions and turn them against you. Because the supervisor is the one that promoted you, gave you a raise, approved your time off, etc. Without them you are nothing, right?

That’s the narrative they spin.

It is a grandiose way of viewing oneself, which is no wonder why we say they are a narcissist.

But the truth?

Believe it or not, their guilt is killing them inside.

You, however, keep growing…keep healing ❤️‍🩹

It’s incredibly hard, I know, but I am proud of you 🫶🏽

✨if you are struggling to heal from childhood wounds then comment “HEALING” so I can help!

#innerchildhealing #healing #growth #trauma #traumacoach #traumarecovery #parenting #toxicrelationship #toxicparents #narcissism #advice #love #mindset #life #coach #psychology #selfawareness #selfdevelopment #awareness

❗️This may come as a shock to some…

but I am not impressed by how long you have been together.

We all know couples that have been together 40, 50, 60+ years and despite the dedication, sometimes we still find ourselves thinking…

“I don’t want my future marriage to look like that”🙅🏽‍♀️

Why?

Because sometimes we see these couples become incredibly bitter or simply tolerant of each other - they lost their way as a couple many years ago 😔

And don’t get me wrong, relationships have their fair share of highs and lows…

But a quality relationship is one that is on a steady incline despite dips and peaks.

Think of it like a stock chart (of a long term investment) - if you were to zoom out and review the last 5-10 years you might notice sudden peaks followed by a series of deep lows. These stocks were affected by external/internal forces, but overtime they

✅review
✅redirect
✅grow

In a good long term investment, you should see that overtime the stock chart continues to be on a steady incline. 📈

For couples, these forces may be👇🏽

💔loss of a loved one
💔loss of a job
💔loss of a home
💔personal wounds
💔illness

etc.

A couples ability to have faced the challenges and unforeseen AND still come out on the other side, stronger, is something to be proud of 💪🏽👏🏽

These events will serve not only as tests, but opportunities to become closer - to connect deeper with each other.

The irony of it all?

It can take years to have a quality-focused relationship.

As a wife, I am slowly reminding myself that this is my husbands first time living too. ❤️‍🩹

In the same way I don’t have all the answers, neither does he.

In the same way I am learning what it means to be me, so is he.

The pressure is already on us, without us putting pressure on each other or ourselves.

I’m not a relationship expert, but I do know that it takes two willing partners to build a relationship of quality 💛

If you and your partner are struggling in this area, DM 💬 me for more info 🫶🏽

#love #relationships #advice #marriage #couples #relationshipadvice #trauma #traumarecovery #traumacoach #life #mindset #growth #healing #innerchildhealing

❗️ Everyone can benefit from coaching…

And to be quite honest, talk therapy has adopted a similar approach.

Why? Because the goal is to destigmatize the labels of mental conditions and address underlying issues through therapeutic rapport.

The point? Feeling seen and heard has proven to be far more fruitful in the healing process than we like to believe ✨

As your coach, my approach tackles the following👇🏽

✅what we know
✅what we can control
✅what we can’t control
✅how to move forward

You don’t have to wait for “time to heal all wounds” because it won’t. Today, right now, you can break the cycle ❤️‍🩹

Comment HEALING to begin your journey or DM 💬 for more info ℹ️

#trauma #life #coach #advice #mentalhealth #advocate #traumacoach #recoverycoach #health

❗️If you’re healing from trauma, do these things to be a better parent…

As a trauma + recovery coach, I have found these three things to be the most helpful in the way I parent while also reparenting myself 👇🏽

✨ENGAGE in activities with your child that you yourself use to enjoy when you were a kid. Your inner child use to crave these activities because for a brief moment of time you could truly just be yourself. You’d be surprised at how many happy-kid like feelings will surface when you go back to these activities. And the best part? Your child(ren) will LOVE IT! To see their mom/dad being playful, silly, and kid like will bring a smile like no other to their face. And I’ll tell you…seeing that smile, man…that’s healing all on its own.

✨TALK to your child(ren) when you’re having a challenging day. Gently get down to their level and say “mommy/daddy is having a challenging day today. Have you ever had a day that was hard for you?” Remember, your children are not your emotional caretakers. They are, however, very perceptive to the emotions in their home and absorb everything. So if the opportunity presents itself where you can share an emotion you’re having and use it to also get them talking about their emotions then congrats to you! You are helping to develop their EQ 💛

✨PRAISE your child(ren) when they are proud of something they have done. Trauma survivors have a hard time giving praise because it was something they never received as a child. But your child(ren), deserve hearing it from you. There are many ways to approach giving a child praise, but however you do it remember that the outcome should be connection. Not just saying good job for the sake of saying it.

As parents, trauma or not, we all have things we can improve on. 🌱

If you are a parent and are struggling to overcome your past, then comment “HEALING” for more info ℹ️

#lifecoach #growth #parentingadvice #reparenting #selflove #selfawareness #selfdevelopment #advice #growth #health #love #trauma #traumacoach #recoverycoach #life #mindset #mindful #relationships #psychology #healing #innerchildhealing

❗️These may be signs that you or someone you know is healing…

✨Smiling more
At one point, it was hard to feel and express genuine happiness. But now, smiling and laughing becomes easier - and this time, it FEELS good.

✨Sharing more
Prior to healing, a person struggles to truly share what they went through. If they do, it’s usually a story that they have repeated. There’s no emotion to it. But now, sharing has become part of healing. Sharing not just what happened, but the emotions behind it.

✨Self-awareness
Prior to healing, a person may have had a hard time apologizing. After all, they were convinced as a child that they always did something wrong. But today, with increased self awareness, they don’t struggle to say “hey, I am really sorry for how I made you feel when I said that.”

✨No avoidance
During the recovery process, people find themselves avoiding certain places or others to prevent facing triggers. In the healing process, there’s no avoidance. You no longer have a strong emotional or physical response to people/places/things.

✨Physical health
A one point in time, it was difficult to get outside and move. Now, daily exercise has become routine and it is paying off!

Every single one of us is healing from something and your journey doesn’t have to be alone. ❤️‍🩹

As a trauma + recovery coach, I help individuals overcome what is holding them back. 🙏🏽

If you’re ready to break the cycle, DM 💬 me or comment “HEALING” for more info 🌱

If this content resonates with you, then follow @hello.chandi

#traumarecovery #recoverycoach #life #health #healingjourney #selfawareness #selfdevelopment #mindful #advice #psychology #coach #motivation #mindset #growth #lifecoach

❗️As a trauma + recovery coach, I have heard people ask…

“Why don’t they love me?” When talking about parents, partners, etc.

The truth?

They can’t truly love you, because they don’t really love themselves.

What do I mean by that? Let me explain👇🏽

Self-love is not simply going to the gym, pampering oneself, or being able to take your own self to dinner - these would be examples of self-care.

Remember, just because one engages in “self-care” habits, does not mean they practice self-love.

And if you read anything on the internet, everyone has their own take on what self-love is really about.

But after doing my own soul searching and talking to plenty of individuals - I have come to realize this…

Self-love is one’s ability to;
⭐️ be aware of their short comings
⭐️ take accountability for their role
⭐️and is not too prideful to create actionable steps towards a different outcome.

People who don’t love themselves will continue to do the following;
❌take advantage of your forgiveness & grace
❌shift blame
❌feel justified for why they behaved poorly (after all it was you that made them say/do those mean things)
❌if you’re feelings were hurt that’s a “you” problem
❌they won’t apologize (at least not on their own)
❌there version of events will always paint you as the instigator
…..and so on, and so on.

We have all experienced a person(s) like this at some point in our life. 💔

We are not perfect. We all say & do things we don’t truly mean at times. But the person practicing self love is the person that takes a step back and says…

“I’m sorry, I really messed up right there and I am going to work on that - you don’t deserve that”.

If you have ever dealt with or are dealing with a person like this, then DM 💬 so I can help. 🫶🏽

If this resonates with you, then follow my account @hello.chandi

#recoverycoach #traumarecovery #lifecoach #life #advice #mentalhealth #psychology #health #mindset #awareness #selfdevelopment #healingjourney #healing #self #innerchildhealing #inspirational #motivation

❗As a coach, I don't mind sharing my story...

💔Abuse for me began when I was a toddler and continued until I was old enough to speak up for myself.

I thought it would end there, but in reality it just took on a different form.

To this day, my parent refuses to acknowledge that abuse was part of our upbringing.

You would think that after the loss of my oldest brother and my father, this would serve as some sort of wake-up call...

❌But it didn't.

❌Still no acknowledgement.

❌Still no apology.

❌Still the same delusions.

💔And as your coach, I would be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that still hopes for the pain I have carried for so long to be acknowledged by my parent.

I know, deep down, this is what the little girl inside of me wants.

I also know, deep down, I will never receive it.

It's a different type of grief that no one talks about.

Grieving the love you should have received, because no child should have been deprived that.

So why do I share this with you?

✨If I were to write my story out and have you read it, I am sure you could come up with a hundred different ways that child would have turned out (most of which would not be good outcomes)

And yet, here I am.

❤️‍🩹Determined to not let trauma consume every aspect of my life, I sought out a path that would help me help others.

⭐️I am empowered to use my story as a light, guiding you towards a life of healing and purpose.

You deserve it.
I deserve it.
The child inside of you..deserves it.

Your life starts today, DM 💬 me if you are ready to embark on this journey together 🫶🏽

If this resonates with you, then follow my account @hello.chandi

#recoverycoach #traumacoach #lifecoach #selfawareness #selfdevelopment #mindset #health #growth #advice #advocate #mentalhealth #life #psychology #innerchildhealing #empowerment #healing

❗As a trauma + recovery coach my intent is to...

NOT diagnose you, rather I focus on three things👇

✨Awareness: knowing where we are and that change must occur! An example is, "There's a mess!"

✨Acceptance: this is the stage in which honest examination occurs. For example, "When/how did this mess occur?"

✨Action: this is the stage in which we create actionable steps towards living a better life. Example; "I am going to grab the broom & dust plan and clean up this mess!"

Seems simple right? Well, sort of.

You see, often times we know that we are in the awareness stage and need to make changes. This awareness can bring about sudden guilt/shame and discomfort, so we immediately jump to the action stage.

This is why we tend to see people who have honest intentions to get their lives on track, continuously make the same mistakes repeatedly. They never seem to break the cycle. 💔

It's not as simple as knowing there is a mess and it needs to be cleaned up. We need to understand why the same mess keeps occurring.

As your coach, I guide you through each of these stages - knowing how crucial they are to your overall growth and success. 🌱

DM me 💭 if you are ready to break the cycle and start healing. ❤️‍🩹

If this resonates with you, then follow my account @hello.chandi

#recoverycoach #traumacoach #psychology #advice #life #lifecoach #mindset #healingjourney #innerchildhealing #selfdevelopment #health #advocate #relationships

❗️Your journey to healing will not go unnoticed..

Here’s WHY:

✨Your courageous actions will stand as a testament to your inner strength, resilience, and love—not just for yourself but for those around you.

✨Even after you’re gone, your children will remember how you gracefully picked yourself up and continued moving forward.

✨As they grow into adults and face their own hardships, they will look back on the challenges you overcame and be inspired by your ability to persist and grow despite difficulties.

✨You are teaching them that purpose is what distinguishes a life of peace and fulfillment from one that has become unfulfilling and stagnant.

And even if they lose there way…

✨I firmly believe that the path you’ve carved for yourself, will help them to circle back.

So don’t give up.

Keep going.

For you.

For them.

❤️‍🩹

If you are tired of fighting and ready to break the cycle, then comment HEALING for more info! 👇🏽

#lifecoach #advice #healingjourney #traumacoach #traumarecovery #mindset #selfdevelopment #selfawareness #health #holistichealth #psychology #therapy #recoverycoach

I was sitting there, spilling out my trauma story…

One I have told hundreds of times.

She was giving me the space to let it all out, but she couldn’t help but interrupt me..

“That’s really hard.”

I glossed over it by responding, “yeah” and continued on with my story.

She interrupted again.

“No, that’s really hard.”

I stopped and looked at her and said, “yeah I know, it was…it is”

She continued..

“You share your story so casually and do not allow yourself to sit in the emotion of what happened to you. Take a break, and sit in it.”

We took a break. Sitting there, together.

“What you went through was so hard and your body is responding as it should to someone that had experienced those events…you need to give yourself compassion” she said, breaking the silence.

I was moved to tears because she was right.

My trauma has become a script that I rehearse before setting out on stage. I can talk about it anytime, anywhere.

But I haven’t allowed myself to truly feel it; anytime, anywhere. Instead, it sits like a lump in my throat that I swallow down so as not to disrupt the peace of those around me.

I digest it. And my body responds accordingly. Similar to digesting food and soaking up the nutrients, my body digests the suppression and absorbs the psychological affects that come with doing so.

It’s weird feeling like you need permission to feel. to heal. to be.

and yet, here we are. 🫶🏽

If you are ready to embark on your path to compassion and purpose, then comment “HEALING” 🌱👇🏽

I look forward to speaking with you 💛

#lifecoach #advice #healingjourney #traumacoach #traumarecovery #mindset #selfdevelopment #selfawareness #health #holistichealth #psychology #therapy #recoverycoach

Your ability to love is greater than you’d like to believe👇🏽

Because,

Despite growing up in an environment where your needs were consistently unmet…

Despite facing physical or emotional abuse…

Despite not having received nor having an example of love…

You wouldn’t dare put your own through that.

It’s not to say that you don’t make mistakes, but your ability to give to someone something you never had…

That’s the greatest love. 🥹💛

We live in a greedy world. A world where you only give out what you feel you’re expected to get back.

How often do we give a gift with the expectation that we will not receive anything in return?

Keep giving the gift of love. 🫶🏽

Everyday, even on the hardest ones, you’re teaching them about choice.

And your choice to not dish out what others have served you…

Well that’s one of the greatest lessons ✨

If this resonates with you and you don’t want to walk this journey alone, then comment HEALING and I will send you more info. 🌱

🫶🏽

#traumacoach #traumarecovery #healing #innerchildhealing #selfhelp #healingjourney #lifecoach #advice

If you remember this scene, then you’ll remember that..

Julia Roberts responds to Richard by saying “I am trying!”

He then responds, “Hello, that’s the damn problem! Stop trying, surrender. Go out in the garden and just sit there and watch what happens.”

Have you found yourself in this moment before?

Often times we become stagnant in our ways because of this simple phrase our brain has on repeat, “I’m trying”

It’s not to say that we truly are not or that we are closed off from changing, but when our “trying” is unmeasurable and we continue to repeat that phrase…then we have taken the passenger seat.

We allow that phrase to become our automatic defense mechanism when we feel like we are under attack.

The truth? We may be. Our ego is being challenged to recognize that it’s efforts are not working and if there is one thing we know about our ego, it doesn’t like to be challenged.

Trying is hard.

But it becomes harder when we have yet to surrender ourselves to it.

Once we do, each step forward becomes a little less heavy.

So here’s my advice to you,

Sit and think.

Slow down.

Stop rushing.
🫶🏽

If you would like to know how you can create peace and harmony in your life, then click on the link in my bio & let’s have a chat ✨

Or DM me directly 💬

#healing #mindset #lifecoach #advice #relationships #traumacoach #traumarecovery #trauma #healingjourney #health #mentalhealth #life

When I was growing up, I felt I was older than I was.

Now I realize, that my daughter is the same age I was when abuse became my norm.

No one talks about the struggle of being a product of generational trauma while also being a mother who is reparenting herself while parenting a mini you.

⛔️The anger.
⛔️The guilt.
⛔️The shame.

All these feelings are expected through this process, but it still stings from time to time.

So, what’s helping?

I’ll share it with you👇🏽

Compassion. 💛

I never truly stopped and hugged ‘me’.
I never told her I was proud.
I never told her it wasn’t her fault.
I never told her that it is not her responsibility to piece things together and figure out “why” it happened.
I never told her to move forward.

I am learning what it means to finally hold ‘me’

To hold her, the child that is still within me.

It’s a never-ending process, yes. But it’s a fruitful one.

And one day, my daughter will hear my story 🫶🏽

If you or someone you know is struggling with childhood wounds, click on the link in my bio to book a chat✨

#childhoodtrauma #advice #parenting #childhood #traumacoach #recoverycoach #lifecoach #mindset #healing

If you were raised in a dysfunctional household, this is how your communication might have been affected…

1. Emotional Expression
If your household dismissed or criticized emotional expression, then as an adult it may be incredibly difficult for you to be emotionally authentic with friends, partners, colleagues, etc. It can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and emotional distance. To you, your feelings don’t mean anything…so why should it to them? This is what you were taught 💔 and I’m sorry, because that’s far from the truth.

2. Silent treatment
If your household gave you the silent treatment, then as an adult you may find yourself using the same tactic. The silent treatment is never used as a moment to “collect oneself”, it’s always used a silent form of punishing or controlling the other person. It creates significant emotional distance and can lead to unresolved issues.

3. Sarcasm
Don’t confuse this with using humor in a gentle way to “lighten the mood” with a partner, friend, or family member. If your household used sarcasm during times when emotions needed to be seriously addressed, you might find yourself using the same approach in times that make YOU feel emotionally uncomfortable. Sarcasm is a way to communicate indirectly. It can erode trust and emotional safety and make it incredibly difficult to address conflicts constructively.

Does either of the above resonate with your upbringing? If so, what habits did you form and are trying to break?

Let me hear in the comments below 👇🏽

If you connect with any of my connect, then follow my page 🫶🏽

If you are looking for guidance, click on the 🔗 in my bio to book a 📞 with me!

#recoverycoach #traumarecovery #traumarecovery #healingjourney #advice #advocate #innerchildhealing #childhood #childhoodtrauma #psychology

When it comes to coaching, we approach everyone differently…

That said, as your coach, here are 10 things I don’t do 🚫 and why it makes me MORE than just a recovery coach ❤️‍🩹

1. Sugar coat 🍫
Your life is real. Your pain is real. Your journey is real. So let’s talk real. 🙏🏽

2. Talk the talk 🗣️
I won’t tell you to eat a balanced diet and hit the gym if I too were not putting the reps in myself. It’s easier to help you face the hard, when I face the hard too.

3. Claim to know it all 📚
I don’t claim to have all the answers; I learn from my mistakes and connect with you through shared experiences.

4. Give unsolicited advice 👂
The key to coaching is to listen intently. I listen deeply and help you find your own solutions rather than pushing advice.

5. Judge you 👩‍⚖️
I’m for helping others understand the role they’ve played in their own suffering, but there’s a difference between that and passing judgment.

6. Overuse worksheets 📝
I use worksheets sparingly, valuing conversation and listening over paperwork.

7. Wait until the next session 🛋️
I offer VIP support and am available between sessions for any urgent issues.

8. Diminish your emotions 🥹
Your emotions are designed to be felt by you. Therefore, you won’t find me trying to run you away from them. Instead, I’ll sit in it with you.

9. Avoid referrals 👩‍💼🧑‍💼
If you need more specialized help, I’ll refer you to the right professional. Why? Because I truly believe in your success and can’t stand when coaches keep clients on just for the sake of doing so.

10. Make it about me 🙅🏽‍♀️
You won’t hear me say, “well this is how I would do it”. This is you vs you. You take the lead; your goals, what you want, what feels right, what feels wrong, etc.

Curious to see if we are the right fit? Click on the link in my bio ✨

#traumarecovery #traumacoach #lifecoach #advice #recoverycoach #healingjourney

This may be a sign someone is recovering from trauma if they suddenly…

1. Live mindfully 🧘
rather than do things to distract, numb, or keep busy, they start from a place of intention and value.

2. Set new boundaries 🙅
they do not want fall to back into old patterns, so to do so they establish new boundaries with friends, family, colleagues etc. Have you ever been on the receiving end of this?

3. Engage in new hobbies/activities 🧗‍♂️
they dive into things they have always wanted to try but maybe felt like they would have been judged or criticized for doing so.

4. Stop reacting less 😌
they are no longer quick to respond in a moment of tension or frustration, instead they reflect more and react less.

5. Ask for help 👋🏽
they begin to open up and the walls come down. They were once closed off, but now they begin asking for help and sharing more.

It doesn’t necessarily mean someone is going through a “hard” time if they do the above things ☝🏽

It is normal and healthy for individuals to make changes that are necessary for growth and peace ☀️

Just keep in mind that if you know someone that is suddenly making these changes, instead of judging them, asking a myriad of questions or accusing them...simply support them. 🤝

If you feel offended by their path, then it sounds like you may be in need of some guidance yourself. 🫶🏽

As always, click on the link in my bio✨

follow my account for more insight on healing ❤️‍🩹

#traumarecovery #traumacoach #recoverycoach #advice #selfdevelopment #growth #lifecoach #motivation #healingjourney

The greatest misconception with anxiety is that…

On the other side of it there is calm 🧘🏽‍♀️

When in reality, the other side of it could be

anger🤬
isolation 👤
grief 💔
shame😔
etc.

We tend to believe that anytime we work through something, peace and calmness greets us on the other side.

For some…this is true.

But for others it is not..not immediately of course.

Working through anxiety involves uncovering the root cause and the root cause may be another mountain you have to climb ⛰️

And it can seem incredibly overwhelming, especially to do it alone.

So if you or someone you know would like to have someone climb with you, then kindly click on the link in my bio🤝

much love 🫶🏽

#traumacoach #recoverycoach #advice #healing #motivation #lifecoach #healingjourney

Author and psychotherapist Resmaa Menakem said…

Trauma decontextualized in a person looks like personality.
Trauma decontextualized in a family looks like family traits.
Trauma decontextualized in a people looks like culture.

It’s very eye opening.

We tend not to believe that everything we see around us is shaped by trauma.

If I met you, I don’t immediately know your trauma, your upbringing, etc. Therefore, I know you out of context.

I may chalk up some of the things you do to “oh they are just a bit quirky” or “I know there family and they are all kind of like that”.

We all do this.

Add context and now I know that the reason why you keep busy all the time is because you equate that to your self worth. Or that you refuse to eat a certain type of food because of a bad experience (for me it’s shrimp 🦐 🤢)Or that you constantly say “I’m sorry” because you grew up in an anxious household where things were your fault and you had to piece everyone’s emotions together because god forbid you rocked the boat.

We believe that individuals have to go through something that is catastrophic for trauma to exist.

But let me tell you…

It exists. It’s everywhere.

Sometimes all at once and sometimes in small doses over a long period of time.

So what can we do?

WE get to decide how we want to move through life with the trauma we have experienced.

If you would like to move forward, click on the link in my bio 🫶🏽✨

#recoverycoach #traumacoach #healingjourney #motivation

Self awareness is important, but did you know…

Self-awareness without self-regulation is unproductive and can actually hinder your growth.

Some individuals become experts at self-diagnosing, knowing their triggers, understanding their symptoms of anxiety and depression, and the strategies they SHOULD use to help.

But this is where many become stuck.

Knowing without action is of no benefit. If we don’t put into practice what we are learning, then what good is it?

To battle this, many people dive back into their self-help books which can result in rumination of negative thoughts/feelings. 💭

It becomes a cycle 🔁

With no true results.

My advice to you? Do this exercise 👇🏽

-Grab a piece of paper
-List three behaviors that, if changed, would positively impact your life and future.
-Note what you already know that could help you make those changes.
-Circle the behavior that would bring the greatest positive outcome

Start there. 🫶🏽

If you or someone you know is struggling or looking for guidance, click on the link in my bio✨

#selfdevelopment #healingjourney #traumacoach #traumarecovery #lifeadvice #lifecoach #advice #advocate #mindsetcoach

5 things no one tells you about when healing from trauma:

1. It is not the responsibility of others to understand your trauma or your healing journey. ❤️‍🩹

We often wish someone could fully understand the rollercoaster of our healing journey, but the truth is, only you truly know your experience. What we can ask for, though, is simple: for someone to sit with us in our emotions. They don’t need to solve anything—just being present is enough.

2. Isolation is death. 🌎

Silence has its place, but healing in isolation can stunt your growth. You’d be amazed at how much a supportive community can nourish your soul. If you’re hesitant to find a tribe you trust, it might be a sign there’s still a barrier to overcome. Step out and connect with people who uplift you!

3. You heal to enjoy, not to forget. 🙂

Many believe healing means closing the door on the past, but it’s really about rediscovering joy in people and experiences. It’s about granting yourself permission to feel positive emotions, something your past or trauma may have denied you.

4. Each trauma has a different healing process. 🧘🏽‍♀️

I wish I knew this sooner: there’s no one-size-fits-all healing process. Trauma requires a personalized approach, and the timeline varies for everyone. Don’t be discouraged by detours in your healing—growth has no expiration date, and there’s always room for it.

5. Wild dreams🛌

The healing process is emotionally intense and demands an active mind, which can lead to vivid dreams. Before my father passed from cancer, I dreamed of him and my mother, who had long been divorced, holding hands and walking up a beautiful hill. At the top, they crossed railroad tracks together. I wanted to follow, but a train separated us, and when it passed, they were gone. Since that dream, my mother has also been diagnosed with cancer.

I am interested in hearing about your healing process, please share in the comments👇🏽🙏🏽

If you or someone you know is struggling and looking for guidance, click on the link in my bio✨

#advice #healing #healthcoach #lifecoach #traumarecovery #traumacoach #healingjourney #selfdevelopment

You don’t have to come from a family of physical abusers or neglectful parents to struggle with the things below..

1. Rigid routine adherence: sticking to a rigid exercise/diet routines may be a sign that you are trying to create a predictable environment because that = safety. Remember life requires fluidity 🦦

2. Freeze and Appease: also known as ‘people-pleasing’ comes from the child that had to take care of the self-preservation of others. As adults, people pleasers struggle voicing their concerns when they disagree with others. 🙊

3. Hyper-independence: the constant need to handle things alone because at one point, you had to. This can prevent you from being vulnerable with others and developing meaningful relationships. 👤

4. Walking away: your flight response is triggered be feelings of anxiety and fear so instead of connecting & correcting, you flee and avoid. 🚷

5. Keeping Busy: self-aware moments come to us in moments of calm and quiet. For some, quiet moments are when they hear their negative thoughts the most. To avoid this they flood their schedule with events/activities so they can fill the silence in their lives. 🗓️

If you or someone you know is struggling, click on the link in my bio ✨🫶🏽

#lifestylecoach #traumarecovery #healthcoach #mindset #healing #advice

If you were raised in an environment where your needs were consistently unmet….

then your sense of self-worth and value have probably eroded.

When children are faced with feelings of inadequacy due to parents who are emotionally distant or neglectful, they internalize it into they are not deserving of love or attention. This leads to feelings of unworthiness.

Often times, the child grows up and continues to seek validation from parents that will never give it. They may seek out partners that they believe will be the solution when they are actually micro imitators of their parents.

Sometimes this cycle repeats itself 🔄

And it can be really hard to find a way out.

If this sounds like you, click on the link in my bio✨

🫶🏽

#mindsetcoach #lifecoach #trauma #advice
#lifeadvice #selfhelp #healingjourney #innerchildhealing #childhood

Dear Husband’s,

I am not sure if you knew this or not but…

You’re healing our inner child when we see you pour your heart and soul into our children.

The way you drop what you are doing when they say “daddy look at this!” even when it’s the same thing - over and over again.

The way you pick up their feelings; acknowledge it and hold it. The way you talk through things WITH them and not AT them. WARMS OUR HEARTS like you wouldn’t believe.

No matter how tired you are, how many hours you work..when they want to wrestle - you wrestle. When they want to go on an adventure, you are their guide.

Don’t ever think that you are going unnoticed.

We see you.
We are forever grateful for you.
We love you.

Your Wife 🫶🏽

#advocate #advice #parentingadvice #parenting #mentalhealth #healing #journey #selfhelp #lifecoach #coach #relationshipadvice

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On Instagram? Follow me for advice & inspiration!

CHANDI ASHA

Nice To Meet You

We ALL have a STORY, here's mine

On Instagram? Follow me for advice & inspiration!

Have a question? Reach out!

Nice To Meet You

We ALL have a STORY, here's mine

​

On Instagram? Follow me for advice & inspiration!

Have a question? Reach out!